A couple weeks ago, I posted on Facebook that I had a theory about age, gender, and discipleship. I ran an unofficial questionnaire that asked 3 questions: Age, Gender, and “Have you been discipled in a one-on-one discipling relationship?”

I was overwhelmed by the 251 people that responded. But before I share my theory, the results, and my observations, I’d like to give a disclaimer about discipleship.

Discipleship happens in many ways. We can be discipled by our parents, a Sunday School class, a mentor, and even Fox News or CNN. I think much of our discipleship happens unconsciously. We probably all think we’re being discipled in some ways we’re not. We’re also probably unaware of ways that we’re currently being discipled. Discipleship happens in many ways.

Much is said and written about method for discipleship. In my humble opinion though, the method matters little. What matters is what kind of disciples we’re becoming (i.e. disciples of an individual, disciples of the GOP, disciples of the Democratic Party, disciples of Jesus, etc.) and how effectively we’re being made into those disciples.

So when I talk about “one-on-one discipling relationships,” let me be clear: this isn’t the only way to be discipled. And I’m not saying that it’s the most effective way either. But I am saying that it’s one of the most effective ways I’ve been discipled.

I’ve been discipled by several people in one-on-one settings. Maybe I’ll share more about some of those disciplers in another post. I often refer to those people as my mentors (but I chose to avoid “mentor” language in the questionnaire because there are many mentoring relationships that don’t have the goal of discipling people into the way of Jesus).

But I’ve noticed something when I talk about my mentors that have discipled me. It seems to me that many men around my age (29) have had these discipling mentors but that many women around my age have not.

Which led me to my theory: Young adult women are significantly less likely to be discipled in one-on-one relationships than men.

I decided to test out this theory. And here are my observations, followed by the full results.

1. This small poll does not reflect the whole population

Because I wasn’t conducting a full-on research study, I just relied on my Facebook network to respond to the questionnaire. Therefore the results are likely far from representative of the whole population of Christians.

I’m guessing nearly all of the responses were from Americans. I and most others who shared the post are white, so the results probably skew towards white Christians. Many of my friends (and those who responded from clergy and seminary Facebook groups I shared it in) are seminary-educated. I have a strong belief that those who are clergy or seminary-educated have been more intentionally discipled than the typical layperson. Significantly more women responded (173) than men (78). Also, results probably strongly skew towards Methodists than other traditions.

2. Younger generations are being discipled one-on-one significantly more frequently than older generations have been.

I fully expected older generations to have been discipled in one-on-one settings more than younger generations (after all, they’ve lived longer, giving them more time to be discipled). But that wasn’t the case. And I’m very happy for it.

I’m trying to mostly stick with observations and avoid jumping to conclusions, but I think this is in large part due to a rise in older generations seeing the need and desire of younger generations to be mentored and younger generations reaching out to older generations for mentorship. This is a huge win for the Kingdom and the Church!

3. In the youngest generations, men are significantly more likely to have been discipled in one-on-one relationships than women.

For those 18-29 (Gen Z and young millenials), 81% of men that I polled have been in one-on-one discipling relationships while only 58% of women have been. For those 30-39 (millennials), 61% of men have been in one-on-one discipling relationships while only 53% of women have been.

And for the record, I don’t think it’s because women are less desiring of these types of relationships. I’ve heard multiple young women lament that they’ve never had this type of relationships in their life, despite their best efforts to cultivate such relationships. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a man say that (though obviously results show that several men haven’t had such relationships).

I have some thoughts and ideas about why this gap exists and I’ll be talking to female friends as to why this is. I plan to share those thoughts in a later blog post.

But in the meantime, why do you think this is? And if you’re a young woman who hasn’t been discipled in a one-on-one relationship, what factors do you think contribute to this for you? And what other observations do you make from this poll?

Feel free to comment below or comment on my Facebook post. And if you want follow thoughts on this, be sure to subscribe to my blog and like my Facebook page!

Here are the full results:

Percent Responding “Yes” to “Have you been discipled in a one-on-one discipling relationship?”

Age Group	Female	Male
18-29	58% (22 Y / 16 N)	81% (13 Y / 3 N)
30-39	53% (21 Y / 19 N)	61% (14 Y / 9 N)
40-49	46% (16 Y / 19 N)	53% (8 Y / 7 N)
50-59	36% (9 Y / 16 N)	36% (5 Y / 9 N)
60-69	35% (8 Y / 15 N)	57% (4 Y / 3 N)
70+	42% (5 Y / 7 N)	33% (1 Y / 2 N)
Total	47% (81 Y / 92 N)	58% (45 Y / 33 N)

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