Recently, I blogged about my (unscientific) findings that young women are less likely to be discipled in a one-on-one relationship than men. This idea generated lots of conversation and I was grateful to hear insights from my friend, fellow Asbury Seminary grad, and Small Groups Minister at Lynn Haven Methodist Church, Mindy Clemons.

Mindy has experience both being discipled as a young woman and discipling young women and I asked her to share her reflections about why one-on-one discipleship is important for women. She graciously has done so below.

Mindy writes at www.mindyclemons.com. I hope you’ll go and check out her blog to hear more of her wonderful insights!

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Do you talk about your spiritual life with anyone else?

I was shocked many years ago when a friend asked me, “What did you read in your quiet time this morning? What is God teaching you?” No one had ever shown an interest in my personal spiritual life before. I had slipped into thinking that my spiritual life was a private thing between me and God. I was new to town and had just joined a Bible study. She asked me out for coffee, and we got to know each other a bit. The second time we had coffee together she asked questions about my spiritual life. She was intentionally seeking a spiritual dialogue with me – and went on to invest two years of her life in establishing me in my faith and equipping me for ministry.

I learned so much from meeting with her regularly, watching her life, and discussing all kinds of issues with her. I met with her all through my first pregnancy, and later I carried my newborn in her car seat to lunch when we met. She didn’t have all the answers, but she prayed for me, held me accountable, gave me books to read and podcasts to think about, and she kept showing up. She was also hilarious and transparent about her own challenges. After we had been meeting together for a while, she challenged me to go and do the same for another woman – to take the risk, ask someone to coffee, learn about their life, and ask questions about their spiritual journey. I was nervous about doing that, but I did it anyway. Not everyone I asked out for coffee became a friend, but over the years many of them did and my life (and theirs) has been so much richer for it!

We are not wired to do life alone. In fact, as hard and relentless as life can be, it is easier when we do life together.

That’s one reason the theme of fellowship and accountability is so strongly evidenced throughout the Bible. God told Adam, “It’s not good for man to be alone.” Solomon said, “Two are better than one.” Jesus called men to “be with him,” and sent people out to do ministry in pairs. Jesus even prayed for all His disciples to be “one” with each other. The writers of the epistles warn us not to “forsake our fellowship” because it “spurs us on to love and good deeds,” and protects us from the “deceitfulness of sin.” We’re told to “encourage, warn, and exhort one another” while also helping to “carry each other’s burdens.”

Yet most Christians don’t experience this type of intimate interaction with other Christians, and it is almost always our own fault. Sometimes we live independent, isolated lives because we don’t understand the value of fellowship and accountability and foolishly think we don’t need it. Or we sense there is value in being closely linked with others who are in Christ, but we don’t risk initiating relationship or make time to cultivate true fellowship, and therefore, any loneliness we feel is self-induced. Or maybe we walk alone because we’ve been burned by Christians and don’t want to get too close again. Or maybe investing in the spiritual lives of others has not been modeled for us, and we mistakenly think that is the church’s job and there must be a program for that.

However, none of that changes the fact that we need meaningful fellowship and challenging interaction with other Christ followers who will encourage our discipleship and pursuit of Jesus. It’s our job to invest in the spiritual lives of other people (our privilege really!) and it does not require a program, it requires us to ask someone out for coffee or a playdate.

So, during this summer I hope you will take a risk. Risk asking someone to coffee or lunch to get to know them better or risk saying “yes” to someone who wants to get to know you because in Christ we really are meant to do life together!

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Thanks again to Mindy for sharing these wonderful thoughts! Who are you going to ask to get coffee or lunch? What will God do through that small act of faithfulness?

Don’t forget to check out Mindy’s blog at mindyclemons.com.