If you’d like to learn more about why I’m writing a few book reviews and what my hopes are for the reviews, check out my explanation!

Book: Take Back Your Family: From the Tyrants of Burnout, Busyness, Individualism, and the Nuclear Ideal
Author: Jefferson Bethke
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
Publishing Year: 2021

Summary:

It’s no surprise that, on average, families in the United States (and in Western culture) are broken. Divorce rates are much too high; substance abuse is through the roof; anxiety, depression, stress, and suicide all plague youth and adults alike. Yet we keep clinging to the experimental model of family from the 20th century—the nuclear family—hoping that it will save us from the crisis families are in. In his book, Take Back Your Family, Jefferson Bethke diagnoses the problem plaguing our Western society (spoiler: it’s the nuclear family) and offers a solution (spoiler: the ancient model of family, what he calls a “family team”). He then walks you through how to set your family up using this new (more like, “re-newed”) model of family, using stories of family teams throughout as you grasp a vision for what God might want to do in and through your family.

Three main takeaways:

1. The idea of the nuclear family, dominated by individualistic pursuits, is a failed experiment that we’re still trying to hold on to in the 21st century. The nuclear family operates on two universal laws:
   1) The individual is the most important thing, not the family (making “me” more important than “my family”)
   2) Anything that imposes limits on me, at my expense, is inherently wrong.
   Therefore, the nuclear family is a breeding ground for individualism, where we seek our individual needs instead of doing what God created the family to do: be on mission to bless the world.
2. To be the families God has created us to be, we need a different model than “nests” where our children get launched out at a certain age, never to return to the nest (this focuses on preparing the individual to leave… a very individual-focused view of family). Rather, a better, more biblical model of family is a “team.” From the beginning of time, God has given families a mission to bless the world. Just like a team with a mission to win a championship, families can practice, train, play games, and work together to fulfill God’s mission for us to win championships. If that’s the model we use, then parents are coaches for their family team. But that takes an intentional mindset-shift.
3. Lots of fathers say that they’re supposed to “provide” for their family. What they mean by that is make money so that their family can spend it. Is that really what God calls fathers to? Just work like a slave so that other individuals can consume? Rather, what if fathers are to provide emotionally, spiritually, socially, and resourcefully for their kids? I’d even say that in both similar and different ways, mothers are called to the same.

Three quotes:

1. “There is no such thing as a solo mission when you’re a family team.” (p. 180)
2. “We are inherently built and wired for teams, and yet the West and our modern society inherently and systematically bake it out of us the older we get. The goal of the West is to never need each other.” (p. 93)
3. “Provide in Western means to provide money. But what we really need to provide is presence, grace, gentleness, compassion, leadership, and more.” (p. 105)

What “hole” the book fills on the shelf of literature:

Most books on family I’ve read are good, but teach you how to do the best you can within the failed experiment of the nuclear family. This book introduces you to a model of family I haven’t heard discussed in other books; a model that, I believe, looks more like what the best families of the Bible utilize.

Review:

Hands down the best book on families I’ve ever read! Bethke pulls back the curtain to the model of family that we’ve been told is “the” model of family and exposes it for what it is: a failed experiment. This concept of a family team on mission has profoundly shaped our family and has allowed us to use God’s gift of family to bless the world. Because of this idea of a family team on mission, the Bethea family team has discerned God’s mission, vision, and pillars in our family and we’ve trained, practiced, played, and—empowered by the Holy Spirit—are winning games to bless the world.

Three types of people that might enjoy the book:

1. Fathers
2. Mothers
3. Married or soon-to-be-married folks who are dreaming of what God wants to do in and through their future families

Want to read Take Back Your Family by Jefferson Bethke? Check it out on Amazon here!

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Want to check out my other book reviews? Here they are:
“Humble” by Daryl van Tongeren
“On Writing” by Stephen King
“The 19” by Carolyn Moore

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